Being Your Own Best Friend
by Mary Ann Chang

Central to the philosophy of Friendcraft is the principle of "being your own best friend." But what does it mean to be your own best friend and how does one go about doing it and thereby living the philosophy of Friendcraft? We can begin to understand what this means by looking at what a friend is.

A friend is someone that we like and like to be with. We welcome them into our lives and accept them as they are. A friend is also someone we care about. We want to see them happy and are willing to use at least some of our resources, time, and effort in helping make this happen.

And so it is with being our own best friend. To be our own best friend we have to like ourselves. We need to honestly accept who and what we are.

Accepting ourselves as we are is about leaving behind negative emotions and feelings about ourselves and seeing ourselves as unique individuals with worth and potential. Self-acceptance is positive and empowering. It frees us from guilt and the feeling that we have to "measure up" to be a successful person and to like ourselves and be someone others will like as well.

With self-acceptance comes the beginning of peace and serenity in life. And it is from this point that we can begin to truly become all that we can be, both for ourselves and for the benefit and happiness of others. It is from this point that our true happiness can begin to grow in abundance and that we can become truly effective people.

We become more effective and can accomplish more because we no longer tie up our energy in dealing with bad feelings about ourselves. We begin to achieve an emotional equanimity toward our past failings and losses. Any bitterness we may have had about the hand life has dealt us begins to fade away.

When we truly accept who and what we are, we no longer find the criticism of others so biting. Neither do we hunger for their praise to feel good about ourselves. Losses and things not going our way cease to be so crushing and emotionally disabling in our lives since our view of our worth is not dependent on having them. We become freed and empowered to focus our energies and resources on the future.

And here is where the second aspect of what being a friend is about comes into play in being your own best friend, i.e., a friend is someone we want to see happy and for whom we are willing to wisely use our resources in helping to achieve this. If we are our own best friend we invest time in our own happiness.

Investing our resources in our happiness does not mean indulging in activities that drown out or numb the pain of life. It means doing those things that bring balance and health in body, mind and spirit into our lives. It isn't about the things we have in our lives or the positions we hold in life. It is about valuing truth, honour, integrity and service to others.

The word integrity comes from the Latin word "integritas" which mean wholeness. Integrity is about being a "whole" person, being all things positive that nature has given us the potential to be. Integrity is the foundation of truly feeling good about who we are and on which we build fulfilling satisfying lives.

In being our own best friend we invest our time and resources in becoming "whole." In Friendcraft we achieve this not with the uneasiness that comes with feeling we are incomplete, but with the peace and serenity that comes with self-acceptance.

This is what walking the path of Friendcraft is all about. The courses, books, and fellowship offered by the Friendcraft organisation are devoted to providing the support and resources to enable people to achieve this wholeness, balance, serenity and joy in life. If this is something that calls to you, we welcome you to join us in the life-embracing journey we call the Friendcraft Way.